Inside a Real Ceremony – The Wedding of I and L at Lauderdale House

I always think the best way to explain what a celebrant-led ceremony actually looks like is to show you one. So here’s a real one, start to finish, from a wedding I led on a beautful summer day at the end of June at Lauderdale House in London.

I is Austrian, L has Scottish heritage.   Two cultures, two languages, and a couple who knew from the start that they wanted their ceremony to be filled with joy, authenticity, storytelling and also be inclusive for all their guests.

The Wedding Morning unfolds

Lauderdale House, with its Grade II listed Tudor and Georgian features, sits in the beautiful space of  Waterlow Park. The Lower Gallery has that perfect combination of historic character and light, with French windows opening onto the grounds. By late June, it’s warm and generous as a space.

Before any of the formal moments began, I and L had a first look together, just the two of them, away from everyone else which helped to calm any nerves. I met them in the Upper Gallery, to go over final checks and to make sure they were comfortable, and relaxed. With a few last minute sound checks and placements, they left to sip a little more bubbly and wait for their individual entrance.

 I was at the lectern ready with my script, and a microphone  as around 100 guests took their seats in the room, striking up conversations and bringing  joyfilled energy into the room.

And what a visual delight they were too! The Scottish contingent arrived in full kilt regalia. Many of I’s Austrian uni friends and family wore traditional Dirndls for the women, Lederhosen (the distinctive embroidered leather shorts) for the men. The Upper Gallery, with all its historical gravitas, suddenly became a room where two completely different cultures walked in with pride, and celebrating their own cultural heritage.

When the  Wedding processional began, opening in a stately manner with Pachelbel Canon D, and everyone standing, the visual of it was extraordinary. Kilts and Dirndls and Lederhosen, together in the same room, celebrating the same couple.

That’s what a cross-cultural ceremony can look like when everyone is encouraged to come as they wish, honour their own heritage and story with a sense of pride.

The ceremony unfolds

I opened with my welcome and the Marriage Address in both languages, setting the tone for what was about to happen. I then invited I’s mum to come up to share her thoughts as a mother, watching her daughter grow into a strong and confident woman, and then finding the person she wanted to do life with.  I had printed it for her and placed it in a beautiful folder to keep afterwards.

What followed was the ceremony script itself, which I delivered with a sense of real joy and the occasional ad lib!  I always bring my own energy and personality to the day – and find that this too helps everyone to relax more easily, and become more present  and aware of each of the moments that follow.

In order to keep the ceremony to a reasonable time, given the warm temperatures we were experiencing (the first heatwave had hit London a few days before) I delivered the Couples Story in English and the brides had prepared a beautiful German translation for those guests who were not as familiar with English.  As a practical solution, it really worked to keep the timing at around 30 minutes, filled with warmth and emotion and yet not feeling at all rushed.

The Rituals – Ring Warming, Vows, Music, and Ring Exchange

After I’s mother had shared her heartfelt words, I invited all the guests to take part in a Ring Warming Ritual – which from a quick straw poll of the guests,  only one person had previously heard about, which made that something very novel. By the time they came back to their Ring Bearer, those rings were carrying the hopes and best wishes for their future happiness, from everyone present, making them even more precious.

Afterwards as I mingled with a glass of bubbles, many guests shared with me how this was a beautiful and personal moment of real inclusion for them.

I and L wanted to include a particular piece of music after their Vows and Ring Exchange.  In order to maintain the flow of the ceremony, I explained what was about to unfold, and that once their vows and rings were exchanged, the music would follow.

I and L stood and shared deeply moving personal Vows with each other, after which they repeated the traditional Marriage Vows, in English and German, followed by the exchange of their “warmed” wedding rings.  Returnig to their seats,  a beautiful cover version of “She” by Elvis Costello, began on piano and cello.

That cover version of “She” really brought home the love they have found and cherish. It was genuinely moving, and  we all felt the emotional resonance of it.

Fürbitten: Inviting the people who know you best

One of my favourite parts of this ceremony was something I and L wanted to bring in from German/Austrian tradition, called a Fürbitten. It’s an invitation for a handful of people who know the couple well to come forward during the ceremony and offer a short, informal contribution. Not a full speech,  just a well wish or a small anecdote from someone who has actually watched this relationship grow.

I and L chose four people from their personal circle; family and friends who held a special place in their lives and story.  They stood together, I handed one my microphone and one by one in English and German, they added their voices and their wishes to the ceremony.

What it added was texture, other voices in the room reflecting back who this couple are, not just to each other but to everyone watching.

It’s a ritual I’d happily recommend to any couple who wants their ceremony to include a greater level of warmth, and spontaneity.

The Closing and the Kiss

After thanking everyone in the group speech for their contribution it was time to ask I and L to stand and face their guests, for the finale of the ceremony.  They held their bouquets, and smiled as I gave my final good wishes, and presented them to their family and guests as “Bride and Bride” and my  final words, “You may Kiss” was the traditional cue everyone recognises as their moment to whooop and applaud the newlyweds.

Why I’m sharing this one

I write these breakdowns because I think couples planning their own day benefit from seeing the actual shape of a ceremony, not just the idea of one. I and L’s day is a good example of something I believe strongly -a multi-cultural ceremony doesn’t have to mean compromising one half or the other.

It means finding the right way to make sure everyone in the room feels genuinely included, even if that looks completely different to what you first imagined.

For these two brides, they decided it meant a printed translation, a ring warming ritual for 100 people, and asking four special people from their friendship circle to speak, not to mention being in a room full of kilts and Lederhosen, telling its own story about the way in which love transforms, includes, and honours all who love with open hearts.

If any of this resonates with how you’re picturing your own day, I’d love to hear about it. You can find me at yvonne@bilingualcelebrant.com or say hello on Instagram @celebrant_yvonne