It is true that your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life; a day to share your love and commitment, celebrate your journey together, and create some beautiful lasting memories that you will always treasure. It’s the time when we realise and embrace family, and the connection and bonds we create, that help us to enjoy life to its fullest, and to support us when we need strength and guidance. And the ceremony, being the heart of the wedding day, is when you are truly joining and connecting in a way unlike any other.

I know this to be true, as my wedding day in 2014 was a day filled with love and laughter, romance, and fun, and was totally unique as it celebrated “us”. It was our story that was told, and I absolutely treasure that part of our ceremony.

Deciding to take the next step in your relationship, and joining in marriage, is a deep and meaningful step. It is a promise of forever, and rooted in the belief that your love, your commitment, and your partnership is our human way of saying that love is eternal. Your Wedding Ceremony, and the words you choose, are the foundation stones of your marriage, which begins with your own unique story and your hopes and dreams. Your love story is unlike any other, and approaching your Ceremony with that thought in mind, being open and allowing yourselves to be authentic, will result in something totally magical.

The purpose of this mini book is to provide some unique insight into what a bespoke Celebrant led ceremony offers you. Whatever information you have found, as a practicing Wedding Celebrant, I know there is so much more to know and understand and I want to help you through every step, idea, and question based on my own knowledge. I want to help you choose what kind of Ceremony would hold the most meaning for you, will be the most amazing, rich and memorable, and offer you this curated collection of advice, tips and ideas, based on 10 years’ experience as a Wedding Celebrant, working with over 300 couples to create their perfect unique Ceremony.

If you’d like to receive this as a free PDF please let me know by sending an email to ivvey2010@gmail.com and I will respond! 🙂

So, after reading through this, I promise you will feel more in control and understand the potential choices you have when it comes to your wedding ceremony. Knowing and understanding what it is you really want, will help you to relax, worry less about what others think and say when it comes to your choices, and also help you to feel the thrill and excitement, of knowing that your Wedding Ceremony is what it always should be, – only about you and your partner. It will be full of personal touches, special moments, and your confidence in your choice, once you make it, will be rock solid. You know “You”; you know “Us”, and I know that you have your own exclusive story to tell. There are heaps of tips and ideas to really help you to drill down into what this means for you both. When it comes to your Ceremony design and delivery, you will know exactly what will work for you, and how to ensure you can bring your dream to life!

Having your Wedding Ceremony created with and led by a Wedding Celebrant, is a very modern and uniquely personal and exciting way of celebrating your Wedding. Celebrants look for new and innovative ways to offer a service that is totally different, new, exciting and fresh, and, more importantly, allows couples to participate in their wedding ceremony, not merely be the recipients of tradition and templated services. As couples have moved away from religion, but are still often spiritual and look for meaning, a Celebrant ceremony provides the flexibility and choice in terms of format, content, timing and location, that neither the church nor the state can offer.

Celebrancy is continuing to engage with couples who are looking for more, more heart, more truth, more choice, more freedom. We love to say YES! And saying YES to a ceremony that is authentically yours, means you are also part of this growing movement of couples who choose to create their own Wedding Ceremony memories, by telling it their way!

You are in the unique position of having so many more choices than couples had even as little as 20 years ago. You’re a new generation of couples, with so many freedoms in terms of your lives, but still somehow bound by church and state when it comes to celebrating one of life’s deeply personal moments! Well, that is no longer the case, and if you want to see what’s possible with a Celebrant guiding you through your unique “couple-led” ceremony, then you’re in the right place!

My goal is to create beautiful meaningful memories for you and your family and friends. I want you to look back on your day and think – yes, this was all about us, and it was perfect. I want your family and friends to recognise you, your voice and your personalities within the ceremony, and because I have the experience of over 300 individual heart-centred ceremonies to lean into, working with lovely and amazing couples like yourselves, even though I don’t want to boast, I do like to think this experience, along with my passion for weddings and creating unique ceremonies, will reassure you that you’re in safe hands.

SO WHAT’S MY STORY?

I have been a sucker for romance and storytelling since I was a young girl. My mum and grandmother were huge storytellers, and each had an impact on me. My grandmother talked about the first and second world war, and how this affected her as a woman. My mum lost her first husband in the second world war, and her diaries, which began with her engagement, and filled with hope, gradually became a love letter to her absent husband, who sadly never returned to her and her son. My mum’s diary, filled with love, poetry, honesty, and day to day life, helped me to be a witness to her experiences, and the life she led before I was born. It helped me to understand her as I grew from being a snotty teenager into a young wife myself. Her story, her courage, and her open heart formed much of my own character, – both of us loved a good tearjerker movie – Casablanca was a firm favourite. Selfless love, love that endures through separation, love that wants to ennoble and give meaning to life, these are the messages I drew from that movie.

So, although I found Celebrancy later in life, following a career in public service, training and education for young people and adults, I knew this was my calling after attending a wedding with a Celebrant, in 2003. I was totally enchanted with the relaxed and happy vibe coming from the couple, and with the laughter and fun that was a part of the ceremony, as well as the quiet sincerity of Vows spoken from the heart. It was so liberating to see, and so beautiful – I wanted to be a Celebrant too at that moment!

Luckily, I was able to speak to the Celebrant and the couple about this amazing choice, and when the time came, Yvonne Beck Celebrant was launched in 2011, after training with the Fellowship of Professional Celebrants. The Founder, Terri Shanks, had herself been trained by the founder of Celebrancy in Australia. Finding her, and reading about her own journey, made my decision sooooooo easy. As with all businesses, especially this one, which was new and very niche (I kept being asked if I was a Celibate! 😊).

It took time, but over the years I have been honoured to work with couples and give them my 100% attention, becoming their trusted wedding friend and creating ceremonies in beautiful and magical locations and settings. It has been a true delight to work with couples through the creative journey, supporting their vision, offering advice and experience, but always respecting how they want their ceremony to flow. Over time, I have been able to offer ceremonies in English and German for couples who want to include their guests completely throughout the ceremony. It is lovely to see the surprised smiles when I launch into the German language, after my English introduction!

With every couple we begin with a call and a chat about their ideas, their vision and how I might be able to help them. Nothing is set in stone, everything is considered, and I will offer advice and suggestions if needed. For each couple, my favourite part is helping them with their Vows, as this is the moment where they are going to be the most emotional and nervous. We can find so many different ways of presenting this part of the ceremony that no matter what we do, we will find a way that works for them, and allows them to feel present, and relaxed and connected to each other.

The script is a collaboration between us and builds over time – we usually have it finalised a month before the actual date, but it begins around 3 months beforehand. This means it remains fresh and exciting, and not “overworked” or stale. Many couples have a clear idea of what they want to include, but increasingly I find that couples want me to create a ceremony that they haven’t seen and won’t hear until their Wedding Day! This is just so amazing and creates a wonderful authentic response from them as they hear the words and story for the first time.

What I also love about each wedding ceremony is the way in which I can advise, reassure, and encourage couples to really “go for it” in terms of their ideas and style. I have had the unique experience of over 300 weddings, whereas for many couples they have probably only been to a small handful of weddings. I can really understand what works, what doesn’t, the impact and flow of a ceremony and what can help or hinder it. I often assist with what I call “wedding choreography” and although it isn’t often we do a rehearsal, it is useful for me to walk through all the elements of the ceremony, from who is responsible for the music cues, who needs to stand where, how I might be able to help those chosen to read at the ceremony, and importantly liaising with the photographer so that every unique element is captured. Celebrant weddings are still relatively new, and each presents its own unique wonderful moments.

Being a part of a larger professional Celebrant fellowship, means I have back up, professional support, training, development, and a group of friends who like me, want to give the best possible ceremony we can.

We all have our unique strengths too, and many have niche services, so it really is the most amazing time to consider us when you’re thinking about your Ceremony. The perfect Celebrant is out there ready to create your Ceremony, and I am delighted that along with my tips and advice, I will be showcasing these lovely Celebrants for you!

As you are now entering this new and exciting adventure, and you wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t either hugely curious or totally on board with a Celebrant ceremony, I want to say how awesome I think you are and thank you so much for letting me share my experience with you. I am here for you, to guide and support you through the heart of your Wedding Day, so please do let me have your questions, feedback, and comments, whatever comes to mind. I would love to hear from you!

Here are my TOP TIPS FOR A STRESS FREE CEREMONY – what to consider, and what to avoid, so that your Ceremony and your wedding day all go off smoothly and you get to enjoy every dreamy and wonderful moment!

1. TIMING

2. CEREMONY STYLE

3. CHOOSING CEREMONY READERS AND READINGS

1: TIMING

Can I say that timing is going to be one of the most important elements, and most couples have an Order of Service, which they hope will allow enough time for the main events, but as you probably have heard from so many others who’ve been to weddings, – the time does pass VERY QUICKLY! And your Order of Service might be totally wiped out because of the things that need to be done beforehand, or things taking too long, or delays that occur due to a late guest, illness, travel problems, the generator or tech you want to use not working…. You’re with me here right?

So, you do need to have a plan that allows for contingency, for rehearsing, for testing stuff works, and for making sure everyone knows their part.

As a Celebrant, I am not under any duress time wise, and often arrive an hour to 90 minutes before the ceremony starts to chat to my couple, calm any nerves, speak to and coach anyone who is going to give a Reading, introduce myself to any other vendors or professionals, explaining my timings, any parts of the ceremony of special interest to say, your wedding coordinator, planner, Toastmaster, Caterers, Bar staff, Photographers and Videographers, and checking sound levels, and who is going to cue the music! I will also make sure I meet the couple’s family and close friends and check I know where the RINGS are! 😊

My set up time is very short, and so I like to help where I can, and will happily help with ushering, getting guests seated or into the ceremony space on time, and explaining any particular unique elements of the ceremony before it begins. As far as I am concerned, you have my time exclusively on the day until after the ceremony finishes and I make any further announcements. So, if you do find that time is running a bit short, you can rely on me to be your MC for a while, and make sure your guests are looked after.

So just to sum up – realistic timing is key to making sure overall your day is not a stress or becomes a mess of issues – you know, the domino effect that can and will happen if you haven’t made sure of all the details, and spoken to your suppliers about what works, and what doesn’t work, for them. They will all know how long things take, and what deadlines are not able to be extended on the day!

As your Celebrant, I can be a little more flexible, but it is important to allocate generous timings for wedding preparation, dressing, makeup, wedding party readiness, emotional moments that then require some further time in makeup (this really does happen so often and is in my experience the biggest contributor to delaying the ceremony. As we know, it’s a big emotional moment for many). Also consider time for travel (particularly if it’s a busy urban city wedding) and speak to your professional suppliers about timing and any limitations on their side – how long the cake can be left on display, will the canapés spoil, how long can the caterers hold the meal service, you get my drift, I think?

Keeping your options, mind and heart open is a good strategy, as is talking and asking questions. Don’t be shy to ask your suppliers all the questions or concerns you have and ask them to back up their words with clear examples, advice, suggestions, photos, or testimonials. And if it gets overwhelming, then remember you really should ask for help, whether that’s with your wedding party, besties, your family, or professionals such as an On The Day Coordinator, or a Wedding Planner to help take the strain off your shoulders and allow you to breathe and relax.

Choosing people well is of course essential – so don’t be shy to choose those you feel have a good set of skills, get things done, and are reliable. Everyone will want to help, but to be honest, only you know who your best and most efficient helpers will be.

Your Wedding Day is a one-off day and that’s why we invest so much care, thought, time, nail-biting and swearing as we go about planning it! 😊

So, let’s consider the worst-case scenarios for a moment – and you really should think about writing a list of pros and cons, and keep going back to it. When it comes to TIMINGS, without a plan, anything can happen, and it probably will. Your suppliers won’t be confident either if you give them the impression that you’re so laid back you really don’t worry about anything – this will definitely be a red flag for them, and so the best tactic is to say you have a really great plan which you’ve worked through with others and now it’s time to work it through with them and tick all their boxes. They will love that! And it means that the more you have planned and discussed, the less stressed you will be on the day itself!

Even if you make the most detailed plan and feel you have all your bases covered, something unexpected will happen to turn your neat plan upside down, but at least with a plan, you’ll have made some compromises, or talked through some areas that are not too big a deal for you. You can only do what is in front of you with the time, so just remember to chill and make the most of what you have. Don’t panic, breathe in and look at your best friend, who will always have your back, look at your family and friends, who are there to support you, and make whatever happens, part of the memory of the day.

So many couples stress over the tiniest of details, their wedding favours is one that comes to mind – honestly, I hear others saying that just being a part of your wedding is the best “favour”. Remember that you are planning an important event, but it still needs to feel authentically about you as a couple.

2: CEREMONY STYLE

My second bit of advice is to really think about how you want to feel on your Wedding Day! Honestly, this is a real question… most couples just think about all the details except their ceremony, which is the heart of their day! They worry about the décor, the food, the drinks not running out, the favours (yes they are a bit of a bugbear for me) and whether people will get up and dance, and of course, the list goes on and on. But your Ceremony is the reason for them being there – without that, it’s simply a big PARTY!

As a Celebrant, I often ask this question and it really does stump everyone at first. It seems so hard to think about what you want, but it really is important to the overall feeling you have when you look back on your Wedding Day. So, ask yourself, do you want to feel relaxed, happy, excited, content that you’ve had the best day?

And whatever emotions come to mind, what are the things that will make that happen for you? Does it mean you want someone to take over more of the details, or do you want to handle everything yourself. Do you want suggestions from others about style and content or format, or are you already sure about these elements of your day? What type of design, style, décor, and location would make you feel the way you want to feel?

It really does make sense to think about what you both want, trawling through wedding blogs and picking out elements that please you, and discarding those that don’t – like Marie Kendo advocates in her decluttering, do “whatever gives you JOY!” There are traditions to explore, culture and heritage to consider, storytelling too, and every part of the ceremony should and can be a representation of you as a couple, not what others feel or say you ought to be doing.

The last thing you would want to do, I know, is to ask someone to give a reading or a short speech in front of your wedding guests and family, who you know would get all hot and nervous, and who would struggle and affect the overall vibe of your ceremony.

A Celebrant style Ceremony is by its own nature, generally more laid back, relaxed and unstuffy, but anyone who is asked to stand up in front of upwards of – generally – around 50 people, is going to find this a bit overwhelming unless they have either some experience in public speaking, either through work or their social activities.

Bearing this in mind though, it is a wedding and so there is still an element of keeping things light but dignified as befits the occasion. There is plenty of time for fun and games after the ceremony!

So, when making the choices in terms of Readers, and Readings, here are the top 5 Tips to start you off in the right direction!

1. Choose a Reader who is close to you but not in the wedding party – perhaps family, uni or college friends, cousins, and even other siblings. They know you and your partner well enough to understand your choice of reading, or if they are asked by you to choose a reading for you, they would be able to make a fantastic choice that will make you smile or even shed a small but emotional tear.
2. The Reader you choose is comfortable being called up to speak in front of an attendant crowd of your nearest and dearest. They know how to handle any parts of the Reading with panache and personality, without making it seem too jokey (unless of course, it is one of the more humorous wedding readings, which call for a bit of theatrics).
3. If you’re unsure of what text they might choose, ask them to sign off their choice with you beforehand – you won’t mind some surprises on your wedding day, but you wouldn’t want it to create offence! If necessary, choose the Reading for them, and perhaps do a quick rehearsal or two over the phone/Skype or WhatsApp if you can’t meet in person.
4. If you are choosing Readings and Readers, then do try and match the words and context of the Reading, to the Reader you’ve chosen. That will ensure that you have a virtually perfect fit as their personality will bring out the significant and important parts of the Reading itself.
5. Remember too that in a Celebrant led ceremony, if you wish to ask a member of your church or clergy, or a lay pastor or priest to read from the Bible, or perhaps Bless the Wedding Rings, or give a Family Blessing then you have no restrictions in doing so.

TALES FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCES !!!

So just to illustrate some of the points and tips and advice I have been giving you, and so you know that this is not just purely stuff that comes from the top of my head, in my 10 years as a Wedding and Family Celebrant, I have naturally experienced many ceremonies, but let’s focus on the Ceremony and the Choice of Readings and Readers.

My aim always is to make the ceremony, the heart of your wedding day. It really is why everyone is together and why there’s often a big dress in the equation! 😊

Without the Ceremony, it really is just a big party! So, one of my first stories is about giving yourself the time and the space to hold your ceremony exactly how and where you want it.

A mother of the groom called me up one day and said that she was interested in finding out what a Celebrant could offer. I explained my role in a long and interesting conversation and I suggested that I spoke too with her son, and her daughter in law to be. This however, proved to be exceedingly difficult – she was adamant that she was paying for the ceremony and the Celebrant, and wanted to be included in everything that was being planned, deciding the style, decor and content too!

Now I have occasionally worked with couples and their families, particularly when it was a blended faith or culture or heritage ceremony, and families would have been a very integral part of either the wedding ceremony, or a ritual we were planning within the ceremony itself. This is adorable and allows me to make sure that not only do I show the ritual the correct accuracy and respect, I also meet more people who become part of the bubble of love!

In this case however, the bubble was being burst very quickly as there was very little I could do directly, but I did manage to contact the son, and he was very, very laid back, and happy to just provide a few background notes on how he met his wife to be, and how he wanted to repeat standard traditional vows after me. I agreed to create a draft and offered him several ideas, how to include culture in the ceremony as his wife and her family were Japanese.

On the day of the wedding I met the groom’s mum, who was delightful, and met the groom himself for the first time, and found him to be charming, and very laid back. But he did say to me afterwards that he wished he had worked more closely with me as the whole ceremony was very much about the English side and could have shown more inclusivity with his bride’s family. I suggested that they perform their own mini Tea Ceremony with the bride’s parents later that weekend, which he was delighted to know he could do. It really is important to have YOUR vision of your Wedding Ceremony, and not everyone else’s. No matter who is paying, that’s their gift to you, but you don’t need to capitulate to all their requests or ideas, if they really don’t match yours. There is only one chance to make these memories – make them yours in the most honest, authentic, and beautiful way, by being truly invested and involved in your Wedding Ceremony with your Wedding Celebrant. We have so many novel ideas, a great deal of experience, creativity, and passion for what we do. We will plan, research, adapt, create, and work to your brief, your vision, your style, and beliefs.